One of the fears most converts have after and even before converting to Islam is, “How do I tell my parents that I have become a Muslim ?”
Sister Aneesah asked this question and other convert members of muslimconverts.com forum explained their experience and gave some very good advice.
Question
Hello sisters, my name is Aneesah I am a converted Muslim, married with 3 children. I have an extremely happy life and marriage.
Unfortunately I have never told my mother that I converted to Islam. My mother is not racist but she is very narrow minded and I don?t think she would understand, could anyone help with this or maybe give some insight into their own experiences.
Aneesah Iqbal
Replies
salaam alykum sister,
I am also a recent convert and I had so much fear of telling my family and certain people out of how they would react. Me and my husband prayed for Allah to help make it easier on me. So I started with my mother and just kind of told her that you know I was wanting to convert and after the research I have done, I felt like Islam was best for me.
To my surprise she said whatever you decide is right for you. I am not to judge. So then I had to go to work in hijab and I was so scared. I actually drove around the building for 30 minutes before I came in. Then I had some friends (non Muslims) who were very supportive and then I had some that made comments out of lack of knowledge of Islam.
I got my feelings hurt and came into the privacy of my own office and wanted to cry but I decided at that moment who am I doing this for?
Surely not for anyone of them and I am not a child but a woman who has a right to do what needs to be done to better myself. I tried to remember that their reaction is only out of lack of knowledge because had I converted from Christian to catholic (which they new more about) their reaction may not be that shocking or negative.
So I tried to give them pamphlets to help them understand why Islam is so beautiful to me. But my grandmother on other hand it has been harder like their has been recent coverage on the news about so called members of the Muslim community killing their children or this or that. So she called to try to make me see that maybe my decision was not good so I explained kindly to her that for one you can not believe everything that you see on the television including news, for 2 Islam does not promote death or abuse, and 3rd every single day on television there are people committing crimes from different religions and she has never once mentioned don?t be a member of them.
I tried to explain that just because someone calls themselves Muslim (whether he is or not) and does something that is haram or that is wrong does not mean that every person in the religion is that away you can not judge a group by ones actions.
To me today its ok if she does not understand that right now. I believe that as I grow in knowledge of Islam and as she sees my husband and I more then maybe her opinion of Islam will change and maybe one day herself she will be able to have Islam change her life the way its beginning to change mine but I am Muslim and I am because its right for me and its what Allah says no other reason.
May Allah make it easy on you.
wa’ allikium salaam
sister ayshia
Hello Aneesah,
I am in somewhat of a similar situation. I have told my family that I am serious about my boyfriend who is Muslim in Egypt. My mother’s first question was, “Does he make You happy?” I said yes Mom he makes me very happy. That is really what she wants for me. I should hope your mother and family would also be able to see that your husband
Makes you happy and you are blessed with 3 children. I would be very open and tell them to ask questions. You may also buy a book that explains Islam so they can become educated. I truly believe that will help.
My best wishes to you but I have no doubt Allah will be with you and guide you Through this.
Take care,
Rebecca
To sister Aneesah,
I don?t think there is ever a right time to tell you?re mum, you cant hide it forever, you should be proud that you are now a Muslim not everyone can be guided towards Islam.
I told mine before I converted, I just sat her down and told her that I was going to be making some changes that she may or may not like but that?s what I had decided and it was final. maybe you could get her a book to explain about Islam, if she still is narrow minded after reading the book at least you tried. you are her daughter and she should love you unconditionally even if she doesn?t accept it.
Aisha Khan
Assalamu alaykoum sister Aneesah!
I embraced Islam almost 7 years ago and Alhamdulillah things are better now with my Mom in regards to my faith. Everybody else in my family didn’t show too much discomfort (mostly once I started wearing the hijab), but my Mom was extremely disturbed.
It was very hard for the first few years, but now Alhamdulillah she’s a lot better about it. With time, things usually get better. I know some sisters who’s mothers were actually encouraging them to wear the hijab and/or pray. So each person is different.
I would suggest to tell your Mom how excited you are that you have discovered this wonderful religion, and that you hope to practice fully. Hopefully Insha-Allah she’ll see the beauty in the religion. If she’s difficult about it, be patient and kind with her, hopefully Insha-Allah with time she’ll see the benefits and how you’ve become a better person. May Allah guide you to do what’s right, and make things go well Insha-Allah.
Your sister,
Nour
Salaam Alaikum,
Talk to your mother in the right away. Approach her in a careful and gentle manner. Talk about Tawheed, risala and akhira. Be simple and show her some ayahs that prove the oneness of Allah (SWT).
Mikaeel
End of Replies
We can see from these replies and other replies, that brothers and sisters have different experiences with their family and friends. Some have very difficult time initially others do not have difficult times. Some their parents and friends are even supportive eventually.
It is best that those who convert to Islam openly declare that they are Muslim. So that they can practice their Islam fully. If they hide it then they will end up neglecting their Islamic duties and when you neglect your duties them you will not feel the sweetness of the faith fully.
On the authority of Abdullah bin Abbas, who said : One day I was behind the prophet and he said to me:
“Young man, I shall teach you some words [of advice] : Be mindful of Allah, and Allah will protect you. Be mindful of Allah, and you will find Him in front of you. If you ask, ask of Allah; if you seek help, seek help of Allah. Know that if the Nation were to gather together to benefit you with anything, it would benefit you only with something that Allah had already prescribed for you, and that if they gather together to harm you with anything, they would harm you only with something Allah had already prescribed for you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried.” (narrated by Termithi, who said it is true and fine hadith)
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